Women visiting Graveyard
Asalam mua’alykum. I had a question from a revert sister, about visiting graves based on authentic sunnah it is highly recommended to remind ourselves and to visit as we will end up being its residents one day. However, saying that im not sure if it applies to women or not. Can you confirm is it sunnah for women to visit the graves? As based on hanafi. If im not mistaken, we are encouraged to visit the graves of the Muslims but as she being a revert can she visit graves of non muslim or passed away relatives who are non muslim? JazakaAllah khair. Can you also give the ruling based on hanbali school?
Answer according to Hanafi school :
The great Hanafi jurist, Allama Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states in his Radd ul Mukhtar;
“The soundest opinion in the School is that, it is permissible for women to visit the graves. al-Ramali said: “If they visit graves to renew their sorrows, or to cry and wail, as is the customary practice of many, then it is not permissible. This is how the Prophetic Hadith “Allah has cursed women who visit graves” is understood. However, if they visit for contemplation, compassion and seeking Barakah, then it is not wrong if they are elderly. It is disliked if they are young.” (Radd al-Muhtar, 2.424)
So regarding young women, it is mentioned that it is permissible, although disliked provided that there is no fear of loud crying, wailing or the intermingling with men, if there is fear of any of the above then it will not be permissible.
Answer according to Hanbali school:
According to the text provided below it is also permissible yet disliked for women to visit the graves according to the Hanbali school unless they percieve that they will fall into something impermissible by visiting graves in which case it would not be permissible (similar to the Hanafi position).
As for visiting the grave of our blessed Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam and his two companions Abu Bakr and Umar radhiallahu anhuma this is an established sunnah for both men and women.
Regarding visiting graves of non Muslims the Hanbali school allows it however they will not be greeted in the customary manner of how a Muslim greets the grave of another Muslim with salam and to supplicate to Allah for their forgiveness. In respect of the Islamic tradition, this is not done in the presence of non-Muslim graves but this does not preclude us from expressing sadness, saying other kind words, comforting others, or at least maintaining a respectful silence.
وتُباحُ) زِيارَةُ مُسْلِمٍ (لِقَبْرِ كافِرٍ) ووُقُوفٌ عِنْدَهُ «لِزِيارَتِهِ ﷺ لِقَبْرِ أُمِّهِ وكانَ بَعْدَ الفَتْحِ» ولا يُسَلِّمُ عَلَيْهِ ولا يَدْعُو لَهُ…
وقَوْله تَعالى ﴿ولا تَقُمْ عَلى قَبْرِهِ﴾ [التوبة ٨٤] المُرادُ بِهِ عِنْدَ أكْثَرِ المُفَسِّرِينَ: الدُّعاءُ والِاسْتِغْفارُ لَهُ.
(وتُكْرَهُ) زِيارَةُ قُبُورٍ (لِنِساءٍ) لِحَدِيثِ أُمِّ عَطِيَّةَ «نُهِينا عَنْ زِيارَةِ القُبُورِ ولَمْ يُعْزَمْ عَلَيْنا» مُتَّفَقٌ عَلَيْهِ (وإنْ عَلِمْنَ) أيْ النِّساءُ (أنَّهُ يَقَعُ مِنهُنَّ مُحَرَّمٌ) بِزِيارَتِهِنَّ (حَرُمَتْ) زِيارَتُهُنَّ لَها لِأنَّها وسِيلَةٌ لِلْمُحَرَّمِ (إلّا) زِيارَةَ النِّساءِ (لِقَبْرِ النَّبِيِّ ﷺ وقَبْرِ صاحِبَيْهِ) أبِي بَكْرٍ وعُمَرَ (فَتُسَنُّ) كالرِّجالِ، لِعُمُومِ «مَن حَجَّ فَزارَنِي» ونَحْوَهُ.
(ولا يُمْنَعُ كافِرٌ زِيارَةَ قَبْرِ قَرِيبِهِ المُسْلِمِ) كَعَكْسِهِ.
شرح منتهى الإرادات
There is a hadith of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) visited the grave of his mother and wept (silently) and caused those who were with him to weep, and said:“I asked my Lord to allow me to ask forgiveness for her, but He refused to given me permission. Then I asked Him to permit me to visit her grave and He gave me leave. So, visit graves for they remind one of death.” (Reported by Muslim, Ahmad and others).
Islam does not aim at severing the ties of kinship between non-Muslim relatives. Islam considers this relationship highly, particularly that between parents and their children.
Islam calls upon Muslims to be dutiful to and behave kindly towards their non-Muslim parents, no matter what their religion or lack thereof.
It would be permissible for Muslims to visit the graves and funeral processions of non-Muslims and to offer condolences to their families and friends, as long as one does not participate in rituals specific to their religion nor pray for the deceased non-Muslims to be admitted into Paradise. We should empathise with other people when they are suffering, while at the same time we need to respect the boundaries imposed by our faith.
The Shafi school also allows this although some of them restricted it for relatives, friends and neighbours;
قال النووي في المجموع: ويجوز للمسلم اتباع جنازة قريبه الكافر، وأما زيارة قبره فالصواب جوازها وبه قطع الأكثرون. وقال صاحب الحاوي: لا يجوز، وهذا غلط، لحديث أبي هريرة قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم استأذنت ربي أن أستغفر لأمي، فلم يأذن لي، واستأذنته أن أزور قبرها فأذن لي. رواه مسلم. وزاد في رواية له: فزوروا القبور فإنها تذكر الموت. انتهى.
Allah knows best.